I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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