if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
