He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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