god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
