She's JV to your varsity
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
