He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
