i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
