i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
