Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
