Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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