He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
