Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
