I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
