he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You've changed since you got that strap on
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
