hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This girl is more easily done than said...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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