i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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