Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
