Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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