My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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