mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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