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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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