normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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