I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
