I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
