Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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