Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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