I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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