You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
