im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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