i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
