I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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