Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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