so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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