I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
