i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
