Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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