I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize