I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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