you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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