my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
