ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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