Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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