I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it penis luge time yet?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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