Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
