Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize