i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
