Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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