WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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