well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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