he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
