the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
