Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
