you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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