I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
