this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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