Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
