I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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