I want to have your abortion
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
